Hit on at the border, and assaulted by the only fat lady in Vietnam

In my hatred of Hanoi I forgot to recount a funny story that happened to me on my border crossing from Laos. We crossed by foot, and the procedure is to fill out your forms and hand over your passports, then wait for some amount of time until they call your name. Then you give them one US dollar to get your passport back. This not "official," mind you. I already paid my $65 plus shipping and handling visa fee to be allowed in the country, thank you very much. This is just a little extra, um, how shall I say, bribe, to keep the wheels turning.

So our group was waiting, and finally they called my name. The immigration official looked at my picture, and then at me, and said, “Oooooooooh, beautiful.” I kind of smiled and did a little curtsey and asked how to say thank you in Vietnamese. I figured hey, if they are being nice, the least I can do is be polite back. Then the guy said something else that I didn’t quite catch, so he took out a spare entry form and wrote “you are so cool” on it. Where do you think they learned that one from? Oh my goodness are the border officials actually hitting on me? Somehow I can’t see our friends at the Department of Homeland Security doing the same.

So that was funny.

But anyone planning to come to Vietnam should be warned; the hard sell is more aggressive here than in the Caribbean. I mean everywhere people are trying to get you to buy something, anything from them. We were warned as we were going to get out of our bus today at a little scenic stop/rest area, that some pushy ladies would try to sell us everything the minute we got out of the bus. It was not a lie.

Of course we were swarmed like ants to candy the second we stepped off the bus. So I decided to get away from them and use the bathroom. In some countries you have to pay for the privilege to use the public toilet, which I begrudgingly accept, but this particular “happy house” (Vietnamese for toilet) was not such a place. This was a free toilet. But sure enough, I came out, and three different ladies tried to chase after me to get me to pay them (even though it was not their toilet, they were not cleaning it, they were just there, hoping some ignorant tourist would give them money because they thought they were supposed to). One even grabbed my arm and pushed me a little.

Right, I’ve had enough, so I joined my friends in a circle (to keep out the pestering) while we waited for our driver to open the bus back up. Up pulls a car with some tourists inside. I’m standing relatively close to the car door, but with enough room for the person in the back seat to open and get out. But up comes head honcho pushy lady and tries to move me out of the way, so she can open the door for the lady inside and try to sell her something. So I don’t move. I figure, this woman inside the car doesn’t want you to sell her anything any more than I want to move away from where I’m standing, so there. I stay. But the lady, the only fat lady in Vietnam, literally pushes me out of the way with her body so she can open the door (and sure enough the woman getting out mutters how sick she is of all the selling).

After a few minutes, fattie comes back and, I am not kidding, bum-bumps me. She walked up to me, turned around, and in one swift motion, stuck her butt out, in to me, in a defiant motion to push me again. You know how people jokingly bump butts in a club when a funny song comes one. That's what she did, but in a mean and stupid way, literally pushing me with her arse. And this was a grown woman, not a 5-year-old. Where do people learn to behave this way?

I am trying to be culturally sensitive, or whatever, but this is ridiculous!

(and does make for a funny story)

Finally ... a good day in Vietnam

I haven't written in a while cause, frankly, I haven't had anything good to say. I didn't want to use the word "hate" to describe Hanoi, but it was pretty damn close. There was just a constant cacaphony of sounds of motorscooters and horns and people pressuring you to buy anything and everything, or take a ride of a motorscooter or a cyclo (bicycle taxi). It was just too "in-your-face" all the time. I had a headache for a week, from all the pollution and noise, and I couldn't wait to leave.

When we got to Hue, I thought it would be better and quieter, but um ... a little, but not truly peaceful.

But today, finally, I had a good day. We went on a motor-scooter trip (don't worry mom, they were experienced drivers and provided helmets; we all booked together through the company we are traveling with). Anyway, we went around the countryside and got pretty well off the busy track, only saw a handful of tourists (at the unfortunately obligatory insense-making place and other touristy bits). But we also saw a really pretty pagoda and emporers tomb and had vegetarian lunch at a monastery. It was yummy and garlic free :) We also took a dragon boat trip down the Perfume River.

The best part though was just being away from the rest of the traffic and the beep beeps, and cruising through the back streets on the back of a bike. It wasn't as exciting as my Cyprus bikeride and not as harrowing as my wee quick accident in Laos, but it was just nice, feeling the breeze in my face, and the raindrops, but that wasn't a deterrent. It was a good day.

If anyone has tried to call/text, will you email me and let me know, my phone does not seem to be receiving. Or my mom can't figure it out, one or the other :) And thank you Rocky, Cathy, Marilyn, Harch and Ken for the insta-hugs after my last posting.

Next stop, Hoi An, another world heritage site, and hopefully a little bit quieter than my other cities. Photos will be up as soon as I can.

phone number in vietnam until 5DEC

If anyone is bored, or has free international long distance, or texting, or something, my phone number in Vietnam is 84 94 891 9296. (if calling from the US you have to add 011 before the number, and I'm mandymorrissey on skype if you prefer). I have free incoming calls, so ... call me, I need a hug (PS I'm 12 hours ahead of East Coast US time)

Should I elaborate? I'm not dying or anything, and life is not terrible by any stretch of the imagination. I'm just having a less-than-great time at the moment (and this is my blog so I can whine if I want to).

I'm still stuck in Hanoi for a few days, and IT SUCKS. Seriously, I can't quite put to words how annoying the constant "beep beep" of all the horns and people-getting-in-your-face is. There. Is. No. Peace. The fact that my window doesn't shut all the way doesn't make things much better. Thank god for earplugs. Add to that the fact that I'm getting stuffed around by my hotels, I'm just over it. Two more days.

In addition, I've caught a cold, AGAIN.

And, I am still nursing my motorbike/scooter exhaust burn from a week ago. I don't think I actually mentioned this in the blog yet, but I had a small accident last week. I was going very slow, literally about one mile per hour, but down a very rocky hill with less-than-perfect brakes, and the bike just slipped. It would have been fine except for my leg landing on the exhaust pipe. I'd never had a burn like that before and didn't quite realize what happened. As I was looking at my bloody left knee (which is fine now and sporting a NICE bruise) I'm thinking, "why does my right leg sting like that?"And then I looked at it. Ouch. Not so pretty. On the bright side, I didn't break anything (not a bone nor a camera) and the burn is not on my face! But now I'm stuck with a burn covering a third of my calf, and it's really painful. I went to a doctor today and got lots of supplies, and it will be fine, it just sucks for now. And, thank god for travel insurance!

So, blah blah blah, like I said earlier, it can't all be sunshine and roses. I am having my poo poo time now. I should be happier as soon as I leave this damn town!!!

And more about my happier adventures coming soon.

photo update

next batch of photos are here:
http://www.facebook.com/album.php?aid=70110&l=a57e6&id=791230081

here:
http://www.facebook.com/album.php?aid=70288&l=3aa74&id=791230081 (more added to this link soon)

and here:
http://www.facebook.com/album.php?aid=70285&l=37038&id=791230081

Goooooooooooooooooood morning Vietnam. Or something.

I wrote the following on my trip from Laos in to Vietnam yesterday:

I am in Vietnam, on the long highway from the Laos border. We are on our way to Hanoi, and I half-jokingly wonder whether we will actually get there. It’s definitely much safer, and saner, to not look at the highway, because if you do, you see a myriad of cars, trucks, motorcycles, bicycles and cows (yes cows, big ones, little ones, babies, ones with bells, hairy ones, lazy ones, COWS!) coming straight at you. And you see these things coming at you, of course, because your diver is driving on the wrong side of the road. He’s trying to pass a slow(er) this or a slow(er) that, all the while merrily honking his horn to let the drivers know he is passing them (isn’t that what rear and side-view mirrors and blinkers are for?) I am starting to think that driver’s licenses are optional in Vietnam. I have yet to see a police car, or a traffic light, or a speed limit sign, and am surprised for not having seen twenty accidents by now.

On a quaint side note, some of the bicyclists are wearing the pointy cone shaped Vietnamese hats that you see in all the movies or books about Vietnam. Yep, they really wear them. And they are carrying anything and everything on their bikes: small children, ladies in stilettos, baskets, livestock. I even saw one guy with a microwave as a back seat passenger.

In my short time in Vietnam, we’re going on about 5 hours driving now, I have feeling it is going to be quite a shock to the system after coming from sleepy Laos.

HA! Was that the understatement of the year or what? I've been in Hanoi for one day, and really all I'd love to do is curl up in my hotel room then teleport myself to the beach. Has anyone been here in the past year? A co-traveler was here 6 years ago and said it was nothing like this. Let me see if I can paint you a beautiful picture:

"beeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeep. beep, beep beep, beeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeep. vroom. beep. moto. hey lady, motorbike. moto. taxi. moto. you want postcard? beeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeep.vroom. beep beep. postcard? photo?"

you get the picture?

Not quite? Okay, let's try this. Start with New York City. Take out half the cars. Turn them in to motorbikes. Now multiply those motorbikes by 6. Oh, and, take away the subways. Keep the buses, but make them smellier and older. Add in an equal number of bicycles. And you know that cute little "no honking" law that New York has. Yeah, take that away too. Replace it with the "if I honk louder than you, maybe people will like me better than you" mentality. Oh, and sprinkle in a little bit of "red lights? whatever" and you might get an idea of what Hanoi is like.

You do, literally, take your life in to your hands when you walk out of your hotel. there are crosswalks, and the little green man does appear, but that doesn't mean anything. Sidewalks don't mean much either, as they are filled with parked motorbikes, or women preparing chicken feet for sale, or makeshift restaurants springing up on the corner, etc, etc etc. We were told that the best method for crossing the street is just to do it, walk slowly but do not stop, and they will go around you. Riiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiight. Well, I'm still here, so it's worked so far.

And all that street crossing has zapped my energy, so more from me tomorrow (while I am hiding in my hotel room with free wifi)

sri lanka anyone?

just trolling about for what to do after my bali trip ends in january, was originally heading to oz but then i found a brilliant-sounding and great-priced trip round sri lanka. anyone been, know anyone who has been or have any advice? email me if you do please!

i want to hug asia

waking up in asia makes me want to hug someone.

i can't really explain it, but there's just something about being where i am (specifically luang prabang, laos) that makes me want to hug the world.

no, i haven't been taking drugs, or dragged in to a cult. it's just ... let me see if i can describe it to you. you walk down the street, seeing beautiful mountains and palm trees in the background. you decide to walk along the mekong, and happen on a group of men playing that game where you bowl small silver balls and the one who gets closest to the red ball in the middle wins. not sure what it is called, it's like a form of lawn bowling. patonk, maybe? you say "saibadee" to them and they say hi back, looking at you curiously that you've stopped to watch their game, but also welcoming you with their smiles. so you watch as they hoot and hollar and use a straw or a stick to see who got closest to the ball. the old man with workman's hands, dressed in what looks like his sunday best is crouching down with a look of intense concentration, then jumps up and yells when his ball reaches the target.

after a while, you pop in to a nice restaurant to have a delicious snack of sticky rice sweetened wtih coconut milk, with sliced bananas on top. for a dollar. while you sit there, you watch the monks with their saffron-colored robes walking from the temple.

then, you see brightly painted tuk tuks scooting around,waiting to whisk you away to your next destination so you don't have to walk in the heat. (for the un-asia-initiated, tuk tuks are modified motorcycles turned in to taxis. the front part is a motorcycle. but the back part now has a covered bench. these are the cheapest (and sometimes only) means of transport around some of the smaller towns.)

but you prefer to walk, because you like seeing the sights. big temples with lovely golden buddha images inside. monks do their laundry outside and hang their bright robes in the sun to dry. another brightly robed monk sits in the internet cafe typing away, or kids shouting "saibadee" (hello) at you as you pass by.

then you decide to grab a mango shake because it's quite warm outside. again, for a dollar.

and then, to round out the day, you pop in to the red cross to have a specially trained masseuse get the kinks out, for less than four dollars.

seriously, i want to hug asia.



(okay okay, disclaimer time, it's not all sun and roses, there are of course the encounters with squat toilets and questionable water, people wanting to sell you everything and anything, etc etc but we'll get to those parts later. for now, i have to walk back to my guest house, as we are going to take a trip to the waterfalls with natural minerals that make the water milky blue. i've seen photos, and i can't wait)

PS photos are here:
http://www.facebook.com/album.php?aid=70110&l=a57e6&id=791230081

ouch

i just got beat up by a 98-pound thai woman.

okay they call it massage, but really? ouch. i mean, those are some strong hands, elbows, feet and thumbs. she literally walked on me! and stretched me in ways i did not know i could be stretched. have i mentioned that i have bruises?!?!

seriously, these chicks could take on the toughest gangsters in hand-to-hand combat!

Cities and massages and monks and things.

Bangkok = assault on the senses. Tuk tuks, smog, traffic, people EVERYWHERE. But also intriguing with it's canals (the Venice of the East) and temples and palaces and monks. Wat Po, or the Temple of the Reclining Buddha was just as amazing the second time around. Photos will be up soon. Oh, and really good (and painful) Thai Massages at the Wat Po Massage School (I actually have the bruises to prove it). Not relaxing per se, but definitely something to get the kinks out.

People are obsessed (in a good way) with the king. Yellow is his color, because he was born on a Monday, which is yellow day, so on Mondays, everyone (okay not everyone, but at least 60%) of people in the city wear yellow! There are Thai flags and yellow flags everywhere. The king is sick, in hospital, and has been getting bazillions visitors outside the hospital per day. (He is expected to get well soon, by the way). And everyone loves the king. Don't dare say anything bad about him. It is so nice and refreshing and different to be in a country where the leader is an icon, respectable (no jokes a la Leno or Letterman). It's a nice change. (Granted the government is corrupt, but that's a-whole-nother story)

Chiang Mai = also city-like and busy, but with a somewhat less frenetic pace. We took a 30km bike ride yesterday around busy city streets then villages and rice paddies, etc. Saw some temples, and the way village life used to be, and even (this was a bit strange) a crematorium. Buddhists believe that the soul lives in the body. So when you die, you have to burn the body to let the soul escape. So most Thais are cremated. And for some bizarre reason we went to this outdoor crematorium and our guide told us all about the rituals. Interesting.

Afterwards, time for another Thai massage :) Feet this time, nice and relaxing. I could get used to this. At $10 per hour, how can I resist?

The best part of yesterday was Doi Suthep, a temple about 12km uphill, outside of town. You can see all of Chiang Mai from up there (after climbing 300 steps to get to the top). The best part was a ceremony. We got to hear monks chanting, you know, that magic, deep, harmonious sound you hear advertised on new age infomercials. But this was the real deal - so magical. Our group leader is Thai, so explains anything to us that we ask, and we went in to the temple with her, just to sit and listen and be. It was fantastic.

And, I was blessed by a monk. A few of us went in to a temple and talked to a monk. He said a prayer for us in Bali (sp?) an ancient language (like Catholics might pray in Latin, the monk prayed in this ancient language). Then (since we are women, we are not allowed to touch monks) his assistant tied a white string on our wrists for luck and happiness and safe journey. It was really nice.

(Sorry if this is sounding a bit hokie to a few of you, but hey, it was pretty special).

And now I am in a sleepy border town, and tomorrow we go to Laos on the Mekong.

Life is good.
Now if I could just find some stronger insect repellent for tomorrow's journey down the river...

sawasdee ka ... and my phone number

just a quick note because i need to go get a thai massage!

i have free incoming calls and can receive texts cheaply. my number is +66 814 555 027 until tomorrow and then from december 5-17 or so.

i'll try to get another SIM card in vietnam so i can be reached there too.

more soon(ish)

:)

Dubai = Construction

greetings from thailand.

but first, a bit about dubai. i went to visit my friend george, who has been there for about two months. he is overworked! :) and i met a ton of other foreigners also working there. there seems to be a ton of money in dubai, but things are quite expensive as well, and people either loved it or found it a necessary evil.

the burj al arab, the world's only 7 or 8 star hotel, was pretty impressive from the outside. (it's that giant building that looks like the sail of a ship) but it was $50 just to go in, and would have been at least $100 to have a coffee or a snack, so we stuck to the outside. and i got to stick my toes in the arabian sea as well, which was nice and warm. and would you believe that i spend most of my time by the pool or in the gym or just hanging out. i know, terrible, new place and all i wanted to do was chil. i just knew though, that once i got to asia, chill tme was over for a while, so i had to relax while i could. but aside from having heaps of fun just hanging out, these are my obervations:

dubai = construction.
construction is everwhere. all you can see, no matter where you go, are cranes, and half-built buildings. it is CRAZY the amount of construction. someone told me 1/2 the world's cranes are in dubai. not sure if that is true, but it sure seems like it. Okay, Cathy just clarified for me; here are the official stats on the # of cranes (and$) in dubai:
"Dubai: About 30,000, or 24 per cent of the world's 125,000 construction cranes, are currently operating in Dubai, according to the organisers of the Conmex construction machinery exhibition. As of last April, there was almost $300 billion worth of projects underway in the UAE, according to a recently published report." if you work in construction and want to make some $$, go there.

dubai = traffic.
the construction and roadworks make the traffic TERRIBLE. i don't know how people have the patience to drive there. there's no public transport, so you have to take taxis everywhere if you don't have a car.

dubai = this bizarre blend of locals vs. westerb expats (british, american, etc). i am only using my observations, not anything anyone said, but it seems that the locals and the expats (and there are tons of them) don't really blend together. was that just the understatement of the year? i'm not sure if it's quite the us vs them syndrome, but it's just ... odd. i never really saw people mixing together. it's easy to tell the locals, the men all had the traditional dress of the long white, well, dress, and either the red and while checkered headscarf, or the white one with black bands on the crown of the head. and the women all had headscarves, and in MANY cases, full coverings. the expats were dressed like, well, what we're used to seeing. so yeah, never really saw those two types of people sitting together in a cafe or eating in a restaurant or anything. there seems to be a bit of tension. again, just my observations. of course the the third group in dubai are the indians and africans working construction or driving taxis so they can send money home to their families. they don't blend with the other two because they are always working!

enough about that. on to something FUN.

the coolest thing i got to do in dubai, besides hanging out with mi amigo, was go SNOWBOARDING! yes, snowboarding in the middle of the desert. ski dubai has both ski and snowboard, and it is freakin' cold in there, and authentic. it was really cool. of course i fell every five seconds, but i did make it to the bottom of the baby slope once or twice still standing, so that was fun.

thanks g for looking after me and again, spoiling me. MY FRIENDS ROCK!!!!