Goooooooooooooooooood morning Vietnam. Or something.

I wrote the following on my trip from Laos in to Vietnam yesterday:

I am in Vietnam, on the long highway from the Laos border. We are on our way to Hanoi, and I half-jokingly wonder whether we will actually get there. It’s definitely much safer, and saner, to not look at the highway, because if you do, you see a myriad of cars, trucks, motorcycles, bicycles and cows (yes cows, big ones, little ones, babies, ones with bells, hairy ones, lazy ones, COWS!) coming straight at you. And you see these things coming at you, of course, because your diver is driving on the wrong side of the road. He’s trying to pass a slow(er) this or a slow(er) that, all the while merrily honking his horn to let the drivers know he is passing them (isn’t that what rear and side-view mirrors and blinkers are for?) I am starting to think that driver’s licenses are optional in Vietnam. I have yet to see a police car, or a traffic light, or a speed limit sign, and am surprised for not having seen twenty accidents by now.

On a quaint side note, some of the bicyclists are wearing the pointy cone shaped Vietnamese hats that you see in all the movies or books about Vietnam. Yep, they really wear them. And they are carrying anything and everything on their bikes: small children, ladies in stilettos, baskets, livestock. I even saw one guy with a microwave as a back seat passenger.

In my short time in Vietnam, we’re going on about 5 hours driving now, I have feeling it is going to be quite a shock to the system after coming from sleepy Laos.

HA! Was that the understatement of the year or what? I've been in Hanoi for one day, and really all I'd love to do is curl up in my hotel room then teleport myself to the beach. Has anyone been here in the past year? A co-traveler was here 6 years ago and said it was nothing like this. Let me see if I can paint you a beautiful picture:

"beeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeep. beep, beep beep, beeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeep. vroom. beep. moto. hey lady, motorbike. moto. taxi. moto. you want postcard? beeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeep.vroom. beep beep. postcard? photo?"

you get the picture?

Not quite? Okay, let's try this. Start with New York City. Take out half the cars. Turn them in to motorbikes. Now multiply those motorbikes by 6. Oh, and, take away the subways. Keep the buses, but make them smellier and older. Add in an equal number of bicycles. And you know that cute little "no honking" law that New York has. Yeah, take that away too. Replace it with the "if I honk louder than you, maybe people will like me better than you" mentality. Oh, and sprinkle in a little bit of "red lights? whatever" and you might get an idea of what Hanoi is like.

You do, literally, take your life in to your hands when you walk out of your hotel. there are crosswalks, and the little green man does appear, but that doesn't mean anything. Sidewalks don't mean much either, as they are filled with parked motorbikes, or women preparing chicken feet for sale, or makeshift restaurants springing up on the corner, etc, etc etc. We were told that the best method for crossing the street is just to do it, walk slowly but do not stop, and they will go around you. Riiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiight. Well, I'm still here, so it's worked so far.

And all that street crossing has zapped my energy, so more from me tomorrow (while I am hiding in my hotel room with free wifi)